Five Second Rule

“She’s definitely dying in the next 10 minutes.” Dani said, tossing a few pieces of popcorn into her mouth. Dani and Peyton had decided to watch the latest teen slasher. They hadn’t been able to hangout as much recently; Dani was busy with her beau and Peyton was pining from afar. But they were leaving for college soon. Things were changing and Peyton wanted to keep it all the same. So they made these plans, set in stone a week ago because the friends missed each other more than either would like to admit. This missing and longing led to endless possibilities looping through Peyton’s mind. 

Peyton laughed, turning to look at Dani. Her eyes were transfixed on the TV. Peyton couldn’t help but smile watching Dani watch the screen intently. Dani was always trying to look for hints or clues to play detective on who the mystery killer was. She was pretty good at putting two and two together but not when it came to Peyton. Peyton couldn’t figure out how she could be so oblivious to the signals being sent. Peyton were the biggest, screaming, blinking red sign and Dani was clueless.

“I believe it.” Peyton replied, peeling their eyes away from Dani and taking a sip of their Monster. Peyton convinced Dani they should get them despite the incident that happened freshman year; aka the time that they didn’t sleep for 24 hours and lost their voices from laughing so much. Peyton smiled at the memory of them huddled under the covers, covering their mouths to stifle the laughter, inches from each other's faces. Close enough to touch but never daring to close the gap. Peyton tried to get their mind off Dani and the soft scent of lavender lifting off of her bare shoulders. Peyton scanned the room, Dani’s canopy bed was wrapped in warm Christmas lights. The yellow hues and flickering TV screen flashed over them, the only things lighting the room. They sat in Dani’s bed, backs pressed against her headboard, a blanket draped over their legs. Peyton tried not to think about how close they were, their shoulders brushing against each other every time one of them shifted. Peyton felt as if they had to physically restrain themselves from scooting closer to her, wanting to be pressed against her.

Dani’s phone vibrated on the bed and they both glanced at the name that popped up.

Jesse. 

“Ugh,” Dani scoffed. “You’d think he’d stop texting me considering he dumped me.” 

“He’s a dick.” Peyton said and they meant that with every fiber of their being. How could Jesse get such a great girl like Dani and fumble the bag so hard? Peyton couldn’t fathom it. If they had Dani, even for a second, they wouldn’t let go. But their love was unrequited and there were no chances of catching Dani in their arms. Only a 100% certainty of Peyton getting crushed under their feelings for her.

“Tell me about it.” Dani laughed, her smile faltering for a second before turning her phone on do-not-disturb.

“How are you doing with all of that?” Peyton asked, bracing for the answer.

“I think I’m okay,” Dani exhaled. “Surprisingly.” 

“Yeah?”

Dani nodded, leaning her head back to rest against the headboard. “It’s just gross he started dating Alyssa right away, you know?” 

Peyton nodded, turning to face her. Dani turned as well. The two faced each other, criss-cross-apple-sauce, their knees touching. 

“And she’s really not even all that,” Dani said, rolling her eyes. “I mean you could spot that nose over the Andes! And don’t get me started on those raggedy, clothes that she-”

“Dani.” Peyton said, a smile creeping onto their face. 

“What?”

“Be nice.”

“It’s not mean, if it’s true!” Dani exclaimed, huffing while crossing her arms. 

Peyton laughed. Dani was unapologetically brash and blunt in most instances. Her self-assured righteousness was a hard pill to swallow for most. Too bitter to taste. Peyton never found her bitter, though. More sweet than she was given credit for. Peyton never found Dani to be too much, simply just enough. 

“Plus, my big three are all earth signs, what do you expect?” Dani argued and Peyton couldn’t help but be endeared by her feisty demeanor. She was a firecracker on New Year's Eve and Peyton wanted nothing more than to celebrate her existence and countdown the seconds for a chance to kiss her.

“There’s no comparing you to Alyssa anyway.” Peyton said, looking at Dani.

“It’s her blonde hair, isn’t it?” Dani mumbled. “I bet she-”

“Dani.”  Peyton said, placing their hand on Dani’s knee, holding back the urge to pull her into their lap. Peyton knew Dani had a tendency to spiral into a cloud of negative what ifs. Peyton hated how easily Dani’s mind played tricks on her, convincing her of every big bad out there. Peyton wanted to cradle her and remind her that none of that was true; that the voice inside of her head wasn’t true. But Peyton couldn’t just wrap their arms around her and tell her everything would be okay. But at least they were able to ground her in most instances, one touch and she would float back down to earth.   

“Okay,” Dani sighed, placing her hand on top of Peytons, squeezing softly. “I’ll be nice.” 

“Plus, there’s no comparing you two because she doesn’t even come close to you in any way.”

“Yeah,” Dani said, lowering her eyes. “Right.”

“Are you kidding me?” Peyton said, shaking their head and squeezing Dani’s knee lightly. “You’re literally captain of the cheer squad and a hundred times prettier than she would ever be. Jesse is a complete idiot. You deserve better.”

“You’re just saying that.” Dani said, lifting her eyes to look at Peyton.

“I’m not,” Peyton said, locking eyes with Dani. “Trust me.” 

They held eye contact with each other for a few seconds and Peyton felt their insides burning from the inside out. They wanted to flip their hand over under Dani’s and interlock their fingers. They wanted to tell Dani that they would treat her right. That they would never take her for granted. That they just wanted Dani, that they always have.  

Dani cleared her throat and moved her hand, pulling the bowl of popcorn into her lap. “Here, catch!” Dani tossed a piece of popcorn in Peyton’s direction. Peyton lunged to the side, snapping their teeth, catching the piece of popcorn in their mouth. “Ooh, good catch!” Dani said, laughing. 

“Your turn.” Peyton tossed a piece in Dani’s direction. Dani bobbed to try and catch the popcorn but missed, the kernel landing in her hair. “Oh no!” Peyton exclaimed, laughing. 

“Wait, where is it?” Dani asked, looking around her. 

Peyton reached out, sliding their fingers through Dani’s dark waves. Peyton paused for a moment, tucking Dani’s hair behind her ear. Dani looked at Peyton again, seemingly holding her breath. “Here.” Peyton said, plucking the piece of popcorn from her hair, holding it in front of Dani’s face. 

“Five second rule?” Dani said, cracking a smile. 

“What?” Peyton said.

Dani leaned in to take the piece of popcorn from Peyton’s fingers with her teeth. Peyton felt all the air rush out of their lungs. Dani laughed and Peyton couldn’t help but laugh along with her. Peyton wanted to stay here with Dani in this bubble forever; the Christmas lights and her smile. That’s all. They’d be content forever with these kinds of views. 

***

They finished the movie. Dani did figure out who the killer was, no surprise to either of them. They laid beside each other, staring up at the ceiling. Dani couldn’t help but think about how glad she was that Peyton was there. Her mind always felt quieter when they were by her side. Dani felt as if her mind had been in hyperdrive in the past few weeks; racing with thoughts of broken hearts and stirring feelings. But here, on a Friday night, sitting with her best friend, she was happy. If Dani could keep Peyton locked away with her forever, she selfishly would. She feared she was keeping Peyton captive from bigger and better things. Dani felt as if she relied on Peyton too much; her emotional support person. But no one brought her down to earth quite like Peyton could. Being here next to them felt right, it always did. 

“Remember when we were little and there was that kid who threatened to stomp on a lizard?” Peyton asked, bursting into laughter and breaking Dani’s train of thought. 

“Oh my God,” Dani joined in. “He was the worst! He’s probably in jail now.”

“Oh, for sure.” Peyton agreed, still laughing. 

The quiet settled between them again; the sounds of crickets outside Dani’s window and cars driving down her street in the distance. Dani’s thoughts were never quiet these days and she was struggling to reign them in even now. 

“What’s on your mind?” Peyton’s voice broke through the noise and cleared her mind.

“Hmm…” Dani struggled to piece through her thoughts. You? She thought. Not really sure why she couldn’t get Peyton off her mind.  “I don’t really know. What’s on your mind?”

“I’m just glad we were able to make this happen.” 

“Me too,” Dani whispered, “I’ve missed you.” Dani tilted her head to the side to catch Peyton’s profile in her peripherals. She’d been looking at the same face for so many years. Watching Peyton lose the baby weight from their cheeks, chiseled cheekbones coming in in the last few years. Dani had never given weight to how handsome she found Peyton to be. Peyton was her best friend, not someone to have eyes for. But seeing them tonight lit by Christmas lights and moonlight, they looked different. No, they looked the same, Dani thought. Dani’s feelings simply weren’t suppressed anymore. 

The tips of Peyton’s ears flushed a deep pink. “I’ve missed you too, D.” 

Dani exhaled slowly, leaning in Peyton’s direction. The sides of their hands brushed against each other. Dani instinctively pulled her hand away, but hesitated before setting it back down beside Peyton’s. Dani slid her hand over a half inch to touch the tips of their pinkies together. They both stared at Dani’s ceiling, holding their breaths. Peyton didn’t move a muscle. Dani knew she had to be the one to break the ice. She looped her pinky under Peyton’s. She held their pinky for a moment before sliding her palms against Peyton’s to hold their hand. They intertwined their fingers and released two sighs in unison. 

Dani rolled onto her side to face Peyton, their hands still clasped. She studied Peyton’s profile. She wanted to reach out and trace her fingertip down the straight line of their nose to the pointed tip and over their pink lips. Peyton turned their head to look back at Dani. Their face had turned a soft shade of rose, their freckles peeking from behind the petals.

“Hi.” Dani whispered.

“Hi.” Peyton whispered back. 

Peyton rolled onto their side, bringing the two face-to-face. Peyton draped their arm over Dani’s hip, their thumb sliding under the edge of her shirt. Peyton traced a light line with their thumb over Dani’s lower back and she shuddered under their touch. Dani felt like a magnet being pulled to her matching half. She slid into the space between them, pressing her face into Peyton’s chest. She inhaled the scents of amber and cedar that she came to know as home. Peyton wrapped their arms around her tightly, sliding their fingers through her chocolate locks. 

“This is nice.” Dani said, breathing Peyton in again. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hold you like this.” Peyton confessed sheepishly. 

“Why didn’t you?” Dani asked.

“Jesse, for one.” 

Dani pulled back to look at Peyton, rolling her eyes. “And before him?” 

“I didn’t think you felt the same,” Peyton said, sighing. “We’re best friends, D. I didn’t want to ruin that with my big ol’ crush on you.” 

Dani reached over, placing her palm against Peyton’s cheek. She slid her thumb over their cheek, warm to the touch. “We shouldn’t waste any more time then.” 

Peyton nodded, keeping their eyes locked with Dani. Dani felt that if she looked away, even for a second, Peyton would disappear. That they had been teetering on the edge of something more for years. And what if they had waited too long? Dani wondered if the five second rule applied for them; could she pull Peyton in and tell them to forget the seconds, minutes, hours, and years spent waiting for each other? Dani searched Peyton’s blue eyes for some sort of cue or clue, realizing the signs were always there to begin with. The meaning was in every touch and every glance they had ever shared. It was here all along; she was just blind to it. 

Five seconds of searching in their eyes and she felt found. Dani leaned in towards Peyton in one swift motion, pressing her lips to theirs, closing the gap. It felt like she could breathe for the first time in her life. A kaleidoscope of butterflies fluttering and exploding in her stomach as she pulled Peyton closer. They intertwined and melted into each other. Dani felt herself smiling against Peyton’s lips. They pulled apart for a moment to look at each other. 

“I knew you’d be a good kisser.” Peyton said, grinning at Dani.

Dani laughed, squeezing Peyton’s shoulder. “Oh yeah?”

“Just as I pictured it.”  

“Everything you ever dreamed of?” Dani asked. 

“More.” 

“Me too.” 

Dani smiled, snuggling back against Peyton. Dani rested her head on their chest, listening to the fluttering of their heart. Peyton wrapped their arms around Dani, rubbing their thumb over her shoulder. 

“What are you thinking?” Dani asked.

“That I think I’ve loved you since I met you.” 

Dani paused in the silence following Peyton’s declaration. A rush flooded through her body at their words. Dani has been in love before, she’s heard the words. And Peyton has told Dani that they have loved her in the past. But all of those I love you’s felt juvenile compared to this. They didn’t feel as all encompassing as they did now. They felt like passing notions compared to this kind of love. And in that moment, Dani knew that she felt it too.

***

Peyton realized the words had slipped out before they had a chance to catch them. When you love someone like Peyton has loved Dani, it is always on the tip of your tongue. Peyton had been biting their tongue trying not to say those words to Dani for so long that it was bound to tumble out of their mouth sooner or later. Peyton felt their body tense, waiting for the aftershocks.

“I love you too, P,” Dani said softly. “And I think I always have.”

“You make me so happy.” Peyton beamed to themself, squeezing Dani in their arms. All of their feelings they had been suppressing were bubbling up from within, overflowing into the space around them. Peyton felt full and happy for the first time in a long time. 

“Let’s stay like this forever.” Dani wished for the both of them.

“Please.” Peyton responded, almost inaudibly. 

Peyton wanted to plead with the universe to let this moment last and to keep Dani for themselves. Until Peyton realized that the universe had already answered their silent prayers, bringing them and Dani together all those years ago and now again in this moment. The years of longing and loving in quiet were over and they were able to love freely. Dani made them feel more free than they have ever felt in love or in life before. Peyton didn’t know the turns and bends of their journey to come, but they knew that they would be together in the end. The hope of fulfilled love and an unwritten future with the girl they’d loved from the start was enough. Dani was enough and Peyton couldn’t wait for the rest of forever.